Things I've Done for Money
Let me tell you about the time I pretended to be a bottle of Pepto-Bismol
This week, I spent some time putting together a Services page on my website. It’s a list of what I do, from executive coaching to branding to copywriting, and some of the clients I’ve worked with over the years, Procter & Gamble and WarnerMedia among them. If you want to hire me, get in touch. If you can share this post, I’d appreciate it.
I’ve never really been that precious about writing. I’m good with words. Very good. How I apply that skill is irrelevant to me. I’ve done investigative journalism, but I’ve also been the voice of a famous bottle of pink bismuth on Facebook. And in recent years, I’ve leaned into my strategic expertise, so I coach C-suite executives.
In any case, all this got me thinking about the things I’ve done for money.
So, without further ado, here are a few:
I wrote this popular Facebook post for Pepto-Bismol
I was Pepto’s wingman
Years ago, I was hired by a communications company to be the voice of Pepto-Bismol on Facebook. In a meeting, they explained to me that Pepto was the consumer’s wingman. So I built the voice around that concept. I learned a lot about what people want out of a bottle of pink bismuth. They do not want a flirty bottle of pink bismuth. They do want a bottle of pink bismuth who will pull back their hair when they vomit in the toilet at one o’clock on the morning. I boosted engagement significantly, and market share rose during the same time period. I loved this job. It paid $100 an hour.
Image via IMDb
I was The Manvocate
I used to be a reporter on FX’s “The X Show.” The show was supposed to be like “The Man Show,” and I was hired to do tongue-in-cheek field segments in which I investigated the myraid ways in which men were purportedly being exploited. One story we did was about how male porn stars make way less than their female porn star counterparts. Another segment was about guys who for some reason were trying to restore their foreskins (apparently, they call themselves “intactivists”). The story about male porn stars was fun. The story about foreskin reclaimers was just incredibly creepy. I can’t remember how much I was paid for this, but Peter Billingsley was my producer, which was worth its weight in gold. He is hilarious and a lovely guy.
I wrote about Lena the Plug for Forbes
I interviewed Lena the Plug
This week on my Forbes blog, I interviewed Lena the Plug. I call her “Porn Star 3.0” because she is a new breed of porn star who has flourished outside of the adult production company studio system. She has disrupted porn as we know it, and she is raking in seven figures a year. I had dinner with Lena earlier this year, and this interview was derailed for a while because of the pandemic, but I was so glad to run it, finally. And say what you will about the Forbes website, but how many editors would feature a story about a porn star as an editor’s pick? Not that many. Go, Lena.
Image via Multichannel News
I was an editor for a lady blog
There was a time when blogs got big, and then big companies decided to start blogs of their own. I was an editor for a lady blog read by 18-to-34-year-old women. I wrote nearly 2,000 posts, and I created the digital outreach program, which was techspeak for I helped drive traffic to the blog. By the end of my tenure there, the lady blog had millions of unique visitors every month, and I’d learned that you can get the most clicks out of a slideshow featuring celebrity nip slips. I made good money there.
I’m an executive coach
If someone asks me what I do as an executive coach, I say: “I tell powerful men what to do.” Having written that, I’m reminded of this story I did when I used to be a reporter on Playboy TV’s “Sexcetera,” in which we visited Pandora’s Box in New York City. It’s a domination dungeon for the rich and powerful and was unlike anything I’d ever seen—and I’d seen a lot. It made very clear that some men who are very powerful and very wealthy feel better when a beautiful, strong woman is beating the shit out of them. In any case, executive coaching is the art of telling wealthy, powerful men how to do their jobs. I’m good at this for several reasons: I’m 6’1”, I’m smart, and I’m strategic. Sometimes people need a consigliere. And that is what I am to these men.
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